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Two strings walk into a bar and sit down

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

A common programming solution is to use threads

A common programming solution is to use threads. But then, two ‘llyou hav erpoblesm.

Knock, knock. Race condition.

Q: Knock, knock.
A: Who's t-
Q: Race condition.

I’ve got a really good UDP joke...

I’ve got a really good UDP joke to tell you, but I don’t know if you’ll get it

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn’t get arrays.

Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

Q: "Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
A: Inheritance

It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure

"It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter." - Nathaniel Borenstein

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards...

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car...

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

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