Posts

Showing posts from August, 2017

What red and bad for your teeth?

Q: What red and bad for your teeth? A: A brick.

Two whales are in a bar...

Two whales are in a bar. One turns to the other and says "OOOOAAAAHHHHOOOOHHHAAOO" The other whale turns to him and says, "Go home Steve, you're drunk"

Why did the Indian sleep in the hotel lobby?

Q: Why did the Indian sleep in the hotel lobby? A: Because he didn't have a reservation

Don't use a big word...

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Q: How does the man in the moon cut his hair? A: Eclipse it.

We use docker

A: We use docker B: Oh cool, why? what is it? A: No-one knows, but we all use it

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HHAAAAANNNNDDDDDDDD EEEEYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Guess what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket?

Q: Guess what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket? A: "I wonder how far I can kick this bucket."

Two scientists walk into a bar.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one says "I'll have some H2O too." The bartender gives them both water as serving hydrogen peroxide at a bar would be both illogical and dangerous.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high...

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I have the heart of a lion...

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.

I have an EpiPen...

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

Legalize Arowana

Legalize Arowana

Labels

unexpected trump meme bar knock knock Christmas programming definitional bad dad talking animals anti-humor failed expectation irony political lie airplane dark black elephant language literal onomatopoeia Biden deconstruction disability math ambiguous grammar rude self denigrating false assumption garden path misfortune occupation slapstick canadian internet explorer knowledge mass culture physics illogical put-down racist surprise toilet humor animal bathroom humor contradiction english funny punchlineless sarcastic setupless shaggy dog stupid alcoholic aptronym black humor board game body humor cat covid-19 death depression dog famous person hyperbole impulse control insinuation juxtaposition lazy long meta nationalist one-liner photoshopped pop culture sad but true speech problems stealth surprised pikachu swearing unstated Halloween Karen Lord of the Rings archetype breaking behavior dissonance blonde cheese chicken circular confirmation coronavirus dated deliberate dissonance fake punchline fat fish hypocrite implied punchline inappropriate joke light-bulb mispronounce monday mondegreen obama obscure old pessimism pirate plumber portmanteau prank call repetitive self referential spelling star wars stereotype suspended disbelief talking food technology troll untellable violence weird whiplash work your mother 2020 Disney Pavlov Perl accent accident adage advertisement allusion ambush anakin skywalker anti-pun audience participation bald bash beat panel biology blunt booger call and response chemistry clown context covid current events date defeatist delusion difference divorce doge drug drunk duck electrician emo escalation evil cat face bomb faces false dichotomy fantasy fear fickle forgetful fourth wall breaking garbage man generational gesture ghost gif gorillas greedy harry potter hippie historical history idiom immature implication insultnsult jargon lettuce library linguistic macabre made up words media mental disorder mental illness mexico mistake name name-calling nazi numbers pain paradox pedantic petty phrase subversion pokemon poker face pretentious prison protests punctuation purple prose rap reverse rhyme roll safe science sickness spanish spiderman spoonerism straight man subversion suicide surreal swear talking objects thinker true twisted tea typo unpronounceable vegan visual who would win winter work humor written only wrong zoo
Show more

More jokes