Posts

Showing posts from May, 2017

What's the difference between an enterprise software salesperson and a used car dealer?

Q: What's the difference between an enterprise software salesperson and a used car dealer? A: The used car dealer knows when he's lying.

Your mother is so fat they assigned her...

Your mother is so fat they assigned her a new top-level domain.

Your mother is so fat, she solves the Travelling Salesman problem...

Your mother is so fat, she solves the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) by visiting all cities simultaneously.

When is a function a bad investment?

When is a function a bad investment? "When there's no return"

There are 2 hard problems in computer science

There are 2 hard problems in computer science: caching, naming, and off-by-1 errors

Why did the gamer cross the road?

Q: Why did the gamer cross the road? A: A meeple was already on the field behind him.

How many gamers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: How many gamers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but only if that role is not already taken.

What does a gamer take for an upset stomach?

Q: What does a gamer take for an upset stomach? A: Settlers.

How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern?

How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

What's the difference between a T-bone steak and a meteorite?

What's the difference between a T-bone steak and a meteorite? One's meaty and the other's a little meteor.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal...

Two clowns are eating a cannibal, one says to the other, "I think we got this joke wrong."

I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone...

I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.  (Bjarne Stroustrup)

At a recent real-time Java conference...

At a recent real-time Java conference, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

I trust you implicitly

"I trust you implicitly"

Labels

bar unexpected misunderstanding knock knock Christmas programming definitional bad dad anti-humor talking animals failed expectation irony political airplane lie black dark elephant language onomatopoeia Biden deconstruction disability literal math ambiguous grammar self denigrating false assumption garden path misfortune occupation rude canadian internet explorer knowledge mass culture physics slapstick illogical put-down racist surprise animal bathroom humor contradiction english funny punchlineless sarcastic setupless shaggy dog stupid toilet humor alcoholic aptronym black humor board game body humor cat covid-19 death depression dog famous person hyperbole impulse control insinuation juxtaposition lazy meta nationalist one-liner photoshopped pop culture sad but true speech problems stealth surprised pikachu Halloween Karen Lord of the Rings archetype breaking behavior dissonance blonde cheese chicken circular confirmation coronavirus dated deliberate dissonance fake punchline fat fish hypocrite implied punchline inappropriate joke light-bulb mispronounce monday obama obscure old pessimism pirate plumber portmanteau prank call repetitive self referential spelling star wars stereotype suspended disbelief swearing talking food technology troll unstated untellable violence weird whiplash work your mother 2020 Disney Pavlov Perl accent accident adage advertisement allusion anakin skywalker anti-pun audience participation bald bash beat panel biology blunt booger call and response chemistry clown context covid current events date defeatist delusion difference divorce doge drug duck electrician emo escalation evil cat face bomb faces false dichotomy fantasy fear fickle forgetful fourth wall breaking garbage man generational gesture gif gorillas greedy harry potter hippie historical history idiom immature insultnsult jargon lettuce library linguistic long macabre made up words media mental illness mexico mistake mondegreen name-calling nazi numbers pain paradox pedantic petty phrase subversion pokemon poker face pretentious prison protests punctuation purple prose rap reverse roll safe science sickness spanish spiderman spoonerism straight man subversion suicide surreal swear talking objects thinker true twisted tea typo unpronounceable vegan visual who would win winter work humor written only wrong zoo
Show more

More jokes