Showing posts from October, 2016

Halloween Jokes

Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketti!
Ghost: What
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Ghost: Death frees us from mistruths and deception
A: Because you can see right through them!
Ghost: What purpose does spreading this misinformation serve

Two monsters went to a Halloween party...

Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."


M: "Ha ha ha! Everyone laughed at my dreams of world domination? Well say hello to Deathbot! Deathbot, show the people why you're called that!"
D: ARRGH! OHHH! I'm dying! I'm dying!!
M: Well, thisis embarrassing!
B: Don't give up your dream. Just climb right back up on that horse!

The next day

The next day, the dead bell ringer's twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below. The same two guys walk by. The first asks, "Do you know him?" The second guy responds, "No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy we saw yesterday."

A church's bell ringer passed away

A church's bell ringer passed away, so they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.
The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past. One asked, "Do you know this guy?" The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."

Does the name...

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

The beatings will continue...

The beatings will continue until morale improves

Honk if you...

Honk if you like peace and quiet

Have an adequate day

Have an adequate day

Clones are people...

Clones are people, two.

Cat /dev/random | perl

Cat /dev/random | perl

A celebrity is...

A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness

A flashlight is...

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What has four wheels and flies?

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!

Knock, knock. Banana.

Q: Knock, knock.
A: Who’s there?
Q: Banana.
A: Banana who?
Q: Knock, knock.
A: Who’s there?
Q: Banana.
A: Banana who?
Q: Knock, knock.
A: Who’s there?
Q: Orange.
A: Orange who?
Q: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

I wish I could clone myself sometimes...

I wish I could clone myself sometimes...if I could, I'd be so happy that I'd be beside myself!

Q: What kind of bug is a wig?

Q: What kind of bug is a wig?
A: An earwig!

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!

Two muffins were in an oven...

Two muffins were in an oven. One said to the other "It sure is hot in here!". The other replied "AAAHH! A talking muffin!"

I haven't slept for ten days...

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boggie in it.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.

There are two fish in a tank.

There are two fish in a tank. One fish turn to the other and says, "How the heck do you drive this thing!?"

Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?

Q: Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?
A: Because they have such large fingers.

Is your refrigerator running?

Q: Is your refrigerator "running"?
A: Yes.
Q: Then you had better go catch it!

Knock, Knock. Lettuce

C: Knock, knock.
R: Who's there?
C: Lettuce.
R: Lettuce who?
C: Lettuce in, it's cold out here!


colloquial knock knock unexpected Christmas misunderstanding programming definitional bad dad anti-humor talking animals failed expectation political irony language black deconstruction elephant literal math onomatopoeia Biden disability grammar ambiguous garden path lie occupation self denigrating canadian dark internet explorer mass culture physics rude slapstick knowledge put-down surprise animal bathroom humor contradiction english funny racist toilet humor aptronym board game body humor depression dog false assumption famous person illogical impulse control insinuation juxtaposition meta misfortune nationalist punchlineless setupless shaggy dog speech problems stupid surprised pikachu Halloween Karen Lord of the Rings archetype breaking behavior dissonance black humor blonde cat cheese chicken circular coronavirus death deliberate dissonance fake punchline fish hyperbole hypocrite implied punchline lazy light-bulb mispronounce obama obscure old pessimism photoshopped pirate plumber pop culture portmanteau repetitive sad but true sarcastic self referential spelling stereotype suspended disbelief talking food troll untellable violence work your mother Disney Pavlov Perl accent accident adage advertisement alcoholic allusion anakin skywalker anti-pun audience participation bald bash biology booger chemistry clown context covid-19 date dated difference doge drug duck electrician emo evil cat face bomb faces false dichotomy fantasy fat fear fickle forgetful fourth wall breaking generational gesture gif gorillas greedy harry potter hippie historical history idiom immature inappropriate insultnsult jargon lettuce library macabre made up words media mexico mondegreen name-calling nazi numbers one-liner pedantic pokemon prank call pretentious prison protests punctuation purple prose rap reverse roll safe science spiderman star wars straight man subversion suicide surreal swear talking objects technology thinker true typo unstated vegan visual weird whiplash winter work humor zoo
Show more

More jokes