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What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

To the guy who invented zero

To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.

Translation

I personally am characterized by a Predilection for fundaments of a suprilitive nature.
Additionally I am entirely incapable of prevarication.
I now address myself to more of my fraternal associates -
It is entirely impossible for you to disagree with the following logical argument:
 * If there exists a universe such that there is an adolescent muliebrous anthropomorphic entity which is ambulating in a manner that is both adjacent and tangent to your (the viewer's) position which posesses the following qualities:
   * A marked and particularly diminuitive midsection and
   * An element that is both:
* curvilinear and
* to the fore of the obverse of your capitular extremity
  The outcome will invariably be an initiation and engenderment of a transitory preoccupation with and obsession over the aforementioned muliebrous anthropomorphic entity.

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