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Showing posts from February, 2017

Essay question #1: Explain the effects of WWII

Essay question #1: Explain the effects of WWII in one word or less

Chinese proverb: Man run behind bus...

Chinese proverb: Man run behind bus get exhausted, man run in front of bus gets tired.

I am not worried about the deficit...

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

What do an eagle and a mole have in common?

What do an eagle and a mole have in common?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.

Why are peas small and green?

Why are peas small and green?
Because if they were big and red they'd be fire engines.

What's red and invisible?

Q: What's red and invisible?
A: No tomatoes.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

If you ever get cold...

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."

I can't be your valentine for medical reasons.

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

My friend thinks he is smart

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

How do you think the unthinkable?

How do you think the unthinkable? Ithburgth.

What is Harry Potters favorite method of getting down a hill?

What is Harry Potters favorite method of getting down a hill?
Walking...
JK, Rolling.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me...

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

What did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?

Q: What did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?
A: Get in the batmobile.

A squirrel is sitting in a tree...

A squirrel is sitting in a tree enjoying the sunset when all of a sudden the whole tree starts to shake and rumble. He looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. He yells at the elephant,
"Hey, get out of my tree, elephant! What are you doing man!?"
"Sorry squirrel, I'm just coming up to eat some pears."
"This is a pine tree. There are no pears up here!"
"Well, I brought my own pears."

What's the internal body temperature of a Tonton?

What's the internal body temperature of a Tonton?
Lukewarm.

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never lands.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway.

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