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Showing posts from October, 2020

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters? He cleaned out every crook and nanny. This is a spoonerism, and also a pun. Normally to "Clean out every nook and cranny" means to clean something entirely, or completely, however in this case "Crook" means a criminal, and "Nanny" means a person that takes care of children, and cleaning out in this instance it is being used to mean "stole everything from", so the second statement sounds like a common phrase with only two letters reversed, but it has a completely different meaning than the normal phrase.

Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated...

Cop 1: This murder seems racially motivated. Cop 2: Hate crime? Cop 1: Of course I hate crime. That’s why I’m a cop. This joke is a misunderstanding - Cop 2 asked "[do you think it was a] hate crime?", and Cop 1 heard "[Do you] hate crime?" that misunderstanding is the source of the humor in this joke.

If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up...

If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won’t give it to you because he’s never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for it, he’s letting you down. This is known as the Astley paradox. This joke is based around a pop culture reference, and also a meme culture reference. To understand the paradox requires the listener to know the lyrics to the song "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. The lyrics state that Rick is "Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down, etc." In the first part of the song the jokester assumes that Rick was talking about a DVD of the movie Up when he said NGGYU. This is incorrect - the false assumption is based on a pretty awful pun, however it is also a moderately funny pun. The second part says that he would let you down, which he explicitly denied that he would do in the lyrics to the song, so he is breaking his word. To call that a paradox is silly because the lyrics to the song were not sup

An airplane was about to crash...

 An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the president of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, 'My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.' The little boy said, 'That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag. This is another airplane joke. It is also a Trump joke as well. The humor in the joke lie

Q: Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

Q: Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing? A: I just cant see them taking off. This is a very stealthy airplane joke - the setup doesn't even sound like a joke at all. It is a pun, and probably also a dad joke. The pun relies on the words "taking off", which can mean (when referring to an airplane) to get into the air, but when referring to an idea, it could also mean to become popular (or to go viral). Airplane jokes are not really my favorite thing ever, but as far as they go, this isn't that bad.

Q: What do you call a Sith Lord with joint pain?

Q: What do you call a Sith Lord with joint pain? A: Darth Ritis This is a traditional Q and A style riddle, and the answer to the riddle is a pun. The humor in the pun is due to the fact that all sith lords have "Darth x " as their name, where x is any random word or collection of syllables, for instance: sidious, vader, maul, tyrannous, etc. So, Darth Ritis could totally be a sith lord name. On the other side of the pun, arthritis is a medical condition which causes joint pain, and so the name could also be "d Arthritis" at the same time. This isn't that good a joke, but it did cause me to slightly smile when I read it.

A monocle walks into a bar...

 A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke." So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. "Hey you two!" he shouts. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves!" This is a moderately long joke, but the punchline is pretty good, so I doubt that it would be considered a shaggy-dog story. The humor in this joke is centered around a pun. To make a spectacle of ones self is defined as "to do something in front

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer

 Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer. Thereisnospacebar. This is a joke that only works in textual form. If you were to say it out loud I suspect that it would not even be comprehensible. The joke is a pun. The jokester is pretending that he has no spacebar on his keyboard, and therefore cannot type spaces in his text. At the same time he is also saying that there is not a bar in outer space, or a space-bar, to put it more succinctly. I like puns generally, and so I like this a bit, but I have certainly seen better puns than this one as well.

First day as a vet...

First day as a vet Me: What seems to be the problem Cat: Meow Me: Yes, but where?  The humor in this joke stems from a false understanding that the listener forms. First, they expect that the jokester cannot understand cats when they speak, so when the joke arrives at the punchline, with the jokester apparently understanding the cat's language, the listener realizes that they were wrong and has to reevaluate their former understanding of the situation. I haven't heard this one before right now, and I would have to say that this joke was ok, but nothing to write home about.

Apparently my family is racist...

Apparently my family is racist. I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all got mad and started screaming at us... Especially my wife. The humor in this statement is that the jokester misunderstood why his family was getting mad at him. The real reason why they were getting mad was that the jokester was married, and shouldn't have had a girlfriend - not because his girlfriend was black. I found this joke moderately funny.

Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go?

Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go? A: On a diet This is a traditional Q and A style riddle. The listener was expecting a location to be the answer to the riddle, but the real answer was "on a diet". To "go on a diet" is to not eat certain things usually for the purpose of losing weight. If 300lbs was an unusually high weight for an alien, then that might be good advice - even if a diet is not a location. So, this joke is funny because the answer is wrong in a surprising way.

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden This is a political joke, and also a pun. The humor in this joke requires the reader to recognize that forbiden is a misspelling of forbidden, and to also realize that it is also a misspelling of "for Biden" as in "In support of Biden". Obviously this is in regards to the 2020 USA presidential election that is taking place right now. This joke also assumes that if you are not a Trump supporter right now you are in support of Biden (because he is the other person that has a good chance of winning the election.) This joke wasn't that bad.

I overheard my neighbor say she had an awful day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza...

 I overheard my neighbor say she had an awful day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza. She’s a vegan and I hate her guts. This is an example of a joke with an unexpected ending. It makes you think that the jokester is doing something nice, when in fact the jokester is actually doing something mean. It plays on the false assumption that the reader has that the neighbor would like to receive an anonymous meat lover pizza (as most humans probably would). The actions on the part of the jokester in the joke are rude because to send a vegan a meat-lovers anything would be rude as they don't eat meat. This joke isn't very funny.

Oops! All Moisture packets

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There is a cereal called Captain Crunch, which has (in one of its versions) "crunch berries", which are a a rare variation of the normal sugar cereal that the rest of Captain Crunch is composed of. At some point in time the company started making an "Oops all berries" version of the cereal, which had only crunch berries, and none of the normal cereal. This meme is a photoshop of a package of an "Oops all moisture packets" version of Jack Links meat snacks (which is a brand of beef jerky). The moisture packets in a packet of beef jerky are only there to keep the food good. They are not for eating, however there are usually far fewer moisture packets in a bag of these food than there are pieces of beef jerky, so if you were to apply the same "take something that is rare and make it the only thing" to beef jerky, then it would make everything in the bag into moisture packets. To call this the "oops all" version of Jack Links has some sort

Why are all the humans wearing muzzles?

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 This is an example of a covid meme. The joke here is that the dog doesn't understand the purpose of the masks that people are wearing now.

Happy Monday

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  This is a Monday meme. It is also a star-wars meme. The joke here is that the memester is insinuating that Mondays cannot be happy. It seems popular right now to indicate that you don't like Mondays. I am not honestly sure that I agree with the sentiment, however it is what it is.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room...

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks". I said, "Don't mention it". I posted this before, but since someone said that they didn't get my explanation, I thought that I would post about it again. To say "don't mention it" is a way of saying "your welcome" to someone which downplays the importance of the thing that you are being thanked for. An "elephant in the room" is a phrase meaning something that you don't talk about even if it is obvious. Since the critical thing about an elephant in a room is that you don't mention them, it is humorous that the elephant that the jokester bought his friend is not just an elephant for his room, but also a figurative "elephant in the room" because it is a pretty obvious thing, and the jokester doesn't want to talk about it.

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