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My wife accused me of being immature...

My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate

If the pen is mightier than the sword...

If the pen is mightier than the sword, then why do actions speak louder than words?

Do you consider yourself easily categorisable?

Do you consider yourself easily categorisable?

Did you know that Sample Pennsylvania offers free drug tests?

Did you know that Sample Pennsylvania offers free drug tests? So if you ever see a sign that says "free drug tests" then urine sample.

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

Q:  Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital? A:  The hip Doctor!

Q: What kind of bagel can fly?

Q: What kind of bagel can fly? A: A plain bagel.

Never date a tennis player

Never date a tennis player - love means nothing to them

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

Did you hear about the bread factory burning down? They say the business is toast.

People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me...

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

Q: On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? A: About nine and three quarters.

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? A: Dam!

What do you say when all of your cheese has been shredded?

Q: What do you say when all of your cheese has been shredded? A: Grate.

Why did the cow kick the goat?

Q: Why did the cow kick the goat? A: Because she was "moo"dy

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