Posts

Showing posts from November, 2017

I'm Liberian

A: "Where you from?" B: "I'm Liberian" A: "Oh, sorry!" A(Whispering):"where you from?"

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives.

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I said, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”

Math: the only place where people buy 60 watermelons, and nobody wonders why.

Math: the only place where people buy 60 watermelons, and nobody wonders why.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard...

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard... After that, he went downhill fast.

I work as a waiter...

I work as a waiter... The pay isn’t great but I put food on the table.

Incredibly, people never expect to get hit with a snowball in the house

Incredibly, people never expect to get hit with a snowball in the house

I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet...

I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet... Whoops, E-Daisies.

People often say "icy" is the easiest word to spell...

People often say "icy" is the easiest word to spell, and, looking at it now, I see why.

I dunno what this WiFi dude did…

I dunno what this WiFi dude did, but I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately.

Lincoln Shot First

Lincoln Shot First

Lottery...

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math

I have a friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid...

I have a friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid. He says he could stop at any time

Why wouldn't the fish share his candy with the other fish?

Q: Why wouldn't the fish share his candy with the other fish? A: Because the other fish ate him.

In the new version, Alderaan shoots first

In the new version, Alderaan shoots first

Labels

unexpected trump meme bar knock knock Christmas programming definitional bad dad talking animals anti-humor failed expectation irony political lie airplane dark black elephant language literal onomatopoeia Biden deconstruction disability math ambiguous grammar rude self denigrating false assumption garden path misfortune occupation slapstick canadian internet explorer knowledge mass culture physics illogical put-down racist surprise toilet humor animal bathroom humor contradiction english funny punchlineless sarcastic setupless shaggy dog stupid alcoholic aptronym black humor board game body humor cat covid-19 death depression dog famous person hyperbole impulse control insinuation juxtaposition lazy long meta nationalist one-liner photoshopped pop culture sad but true speech problems stealth surprised pikachu swearing unstated Halloween Karen Lord of the Rings archetype breaking behavior dissonance blonde cheese chicken circular confirmation coronavirus dated deliberate dissonance fake punchline fat fish hypocrite implied punchline inappropriate joke light-bulb mispronounce monday mondegreen obama obscure old pessimism pirate plumber portmanteau prank call repetitive self referential spelling star wars stereotype suspended disbelief talking food technology troll untellable violence weird whiplash work your mother 2020 Disney Pavlov Perl accent accident adage advertisement allusion ambush anakin skywalker anti-pun audience participation bald bash beat panel biology blunt booger call and response chemistry clown context covid current events date defeatist delusion difference divorce doge drug drunk duck electrician emo escalation evil cat face bomb faces false dichotomy fantasy fear fickle forgetful fourth wall breaking garbage man generational gesture ghost gif gorillas greedy harry potter hippie historical history idiom immature implication insultnsult jargon lettuce library linguistic macabre made up words media mental disorder mental illness mexico mistake name name-calling nazi numbers pain paradox pedantic petty phrase subversion pokemon poker face pretentious prison protests punctuation purple prose rap reverse rhyme roll safe science sickness spanish spiderman spoonerism straight man subversion suicide surreal swear talking objects thinker true twisted tea typo unpronounceable vegan visual who would win winter work humor written only wrong zoo
Show more

More jokes