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Showing posts from December, 2019

Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?

Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can’t tuna fish.

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea...

If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that the other one enjoys it?

Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will Let it go.

Ok Boomer.

Boomers: Snowflake.
Millenials: Ok, boomer.
Boomers: This is Illegal Discrimination.

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same...

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there’s a whole world of difference between them.

Two snowmen are standing in a field...

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One of them turned to the other and said: "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

Q. What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?

Q. What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?
A. Santa Klutz!

Q. Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?

Q. Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
A. RUDE-olph, of course!

Q: Did you hear that Santa knows karate?

Q: Did you hear that Santa knows karate?
A: He has a black belt.

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it 'soots' him!

Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?

Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A: A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!

Q: How can you keep Santa busy in the Christmas party?

Q: How can you keep Santa busy in the Christmas party?
A: Ask him to take care of your plants.

Q: What is Santa’s primary language?

Q: What is Santa’s primary language?
A: North Polish.

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day?

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day?
A. There’s Noel!

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing. It was on the house!

Q: What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Q: What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
A: Claustrophobia!

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
A. "Season’s bleatings!"

Q. What’s a sheep’s favorite Christmas song?

Q. What’s a sheep’s favorite Christmas song?
A. "Fleece Navidad"!

Q: What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?

Q: What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

Q: What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Q: What do you call Santa's little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses!

Q: What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Q: What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
A: Cross Mouse Cards!

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump?
A:Santa laughing his head off!

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve...

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" The man's answer: "They're Carol's."

A man bought his wife an expensive diamond ring for Christmas...

A man bought his wife an expensive diamond ring for Christmas. His friend heard about it, and said "I thought she wanted a Jeep for Christmas." His reply was "Yes, but where am I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

Q: What’s Santa’s dog’s name?

Q: What’s Santa’s dog’s name?
A: Santa Paws!

Q: Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?

Q: Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
A: Because they’re shellfish.

Q: What's the name of the one horse in "Jingle Bells"?

Q: What's the name of the one horse in "Jingle Bells"?
A: Bob. (Bells on Bob's tail ring!)

Q: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Q: What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q: Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?

Q: Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?
A: He was picking his nose!

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