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Showing posts from June, 2017

What's black and white with 16 wheels?

Q: What's black and white with 16 wheels?
A: A zebra riding on Rollerblades

What animal can jump higher than a house?

Q: What animal can jump higher than a house?
A: Any animal a house cannot jump.

Which side of the chicken has the most feathers?

Which side of the chicken has the most feathers?
The outside

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?
If they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
A: You look for fresh prints.

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like...

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like
So I told him, "C4 yourself"

Guys, don't make fun of fat people

Guys, don't make fun of fat people;
It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate.

My boss said my math skills are average...

My boss said my math skills are average... That's just mean.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

Forget everything you learned in college...

"Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here."
"But I never went to college."
"Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here."

One day when I was young

One day when I was young I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, why not?"
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

What did the suicidal function say?

Q: What did the suicidal function say? A: "GOODBYE WORLD"