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Showing posts from May, 2017

What's the difference between an enterprise software salesperson and a used car dealer?

Q: What's the difference between an enterprise software salesperson and a used car dealer?
A: The used car dealer knows when he's lying.

Your mother is so fat they assigned her...

Your mother is so fat they assigned her a new top-level domain.

Your mother is so fat, she solves the Travelling Salesman problem...

Your mother is so fat, she solves the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) by visiting all cities simultaneously.

When is a function a bad investment?

When is a function a bad investment? "When there's no return"

There are 2 hard problems in computer science

There are 2 hard problems in computer science: caching, naming, and off-by-1 errors

Why did the gamer cross the road?

Q: Why did the gamer cross the road?
A: A meeple was already on the field behind him.

How many gamers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Q: How many gamers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but only if that role is not already taken.

What does a gamer take for an upset stomach?

Q: What does a gamer take for an upset stomach?
A: Settlers.

How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern?

How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

What's the difference between a T-bone steak and a meteorite?

What's the difference between a T-bone steak and a meteorite?
One's meaty and the other's a little meteor.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal...

Two clowns are eating a cannibal, one says to the other, "I think we got this joke wrong."

I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone...

I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.  (Bjarne Stroustrup)

At a recent real-time Java conference...

At a recent real-time Java conference, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

I trust you implicitly

"I trust you implicitly"